What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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