What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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