What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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