What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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