What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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