What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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