What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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