What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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