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What do Santa's elves drink?
Minnesoda.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"
The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
She was caught taking a brake.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?
[A Condesending con descending]
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