What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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