What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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