What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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