What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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