What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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