What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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