What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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