What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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