What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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