What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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