What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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