What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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