What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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