What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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