What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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