What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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