What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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