What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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