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What do Santa's elves drink?
Minnesoda.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?
Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?
They stamp their feet.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?
He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
Holes.
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What does one bucket say to the other?
I am feeling pale today.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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