What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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