What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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