What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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