What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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