What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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