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What do Santa's elves drive?
Minivans.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!
If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
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What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.
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What do Russians use for napkins?
Soviets
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?
2 years old.
Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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