What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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