What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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