What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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