What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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