What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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