What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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