What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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