What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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