What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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