What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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