What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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