What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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