What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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