What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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