What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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