What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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