What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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