What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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