What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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