What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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