What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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