What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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