What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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