What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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