What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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