What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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