What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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