What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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