What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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