What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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