What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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