What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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