What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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