What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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