What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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