What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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