What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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