What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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