What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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