What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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