What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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