What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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