What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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