What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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