What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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