What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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