What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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