What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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