What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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