What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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