What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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