What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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