What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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