What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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