What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"



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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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