What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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