What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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