What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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