What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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