What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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