What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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