What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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