What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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