What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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