What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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