What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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