What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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