What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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