What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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