What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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