What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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