What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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