What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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