What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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