What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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