What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!


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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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