What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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