What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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