What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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