What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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