What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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