What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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