What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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