What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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