What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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