What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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