What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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