What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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