What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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