What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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