What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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