What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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