What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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