What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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