What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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