What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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