What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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