What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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