What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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