What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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