What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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