What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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