What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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