What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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