What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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