What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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