What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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