What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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