What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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