What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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