What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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