What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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