What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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