What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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