What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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