What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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