What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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