What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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