What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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