What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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