What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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