What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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