What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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