What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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