What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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