What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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