What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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