What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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