What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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