What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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