What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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