What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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