What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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