What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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