What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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