What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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