What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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