What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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