What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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