What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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