What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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