What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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