What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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