What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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