What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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