What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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