What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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