What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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