What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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