What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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