What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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