What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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