What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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