What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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