What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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