What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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