What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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