What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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