What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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