What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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