What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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