What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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