What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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