What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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