What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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