What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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