What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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