What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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