What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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