What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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