What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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