What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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