What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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