What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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