What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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