What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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