What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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