What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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