What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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