What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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