What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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