What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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