What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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