What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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