What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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