What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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