What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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