What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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