What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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