What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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