What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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