What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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