What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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