What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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