What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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