What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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