What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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