What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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