What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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