What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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