What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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