What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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