What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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