What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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