What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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