What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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