What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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