What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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