What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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