What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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