What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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