What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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