What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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