What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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