What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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