What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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