What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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