What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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