What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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