What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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