What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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