What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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