What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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