What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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