What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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