What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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