What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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