What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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