What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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