What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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