What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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