What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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