What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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