What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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