What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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