What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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