What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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