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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?
Anywhere it wants to
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",
he said, "Those are pickled onions".
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?
Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
By renaming it Trump University.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?
His heart wasn't in it.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?
Ihop
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
Because he's Haydn.
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What does GOP stand for?
Grabs Our Pussy.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,
he's bisatchel.
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