What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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