What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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