What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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