What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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