What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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