What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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