What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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