What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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