What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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