What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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