What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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