What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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