What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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