What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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