What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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