What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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