What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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