What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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