What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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