What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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