What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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