What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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