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What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?
Because it's two tired!
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Why did God invent lawyers?
So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When should you buy a bird?
When it's going cheep!
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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