What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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