What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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