What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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