What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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