What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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