What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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