What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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