What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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