What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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