What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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