What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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