What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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