What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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