What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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