What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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