What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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