What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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