What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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