What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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