What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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