What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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