What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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