What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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