What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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