What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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