What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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