What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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