What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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