What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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