What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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