What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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