What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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