What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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