What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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