What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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