What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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