What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras

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