What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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