What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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