What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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