What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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