What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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