What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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