What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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