What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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