What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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