What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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