What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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