What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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