What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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