What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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