What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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