What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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