What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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