What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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