What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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