What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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