What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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