What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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