What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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