What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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