What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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