What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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