What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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