What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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