What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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