What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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