What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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