What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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