What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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