What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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