What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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