What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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