What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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