What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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