What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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