What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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A seal walks into a club...
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