What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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