What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

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