What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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