What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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