What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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