What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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