What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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