What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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