What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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