What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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