What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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