What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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