What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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