What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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