What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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