What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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