What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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