What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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