What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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