What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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