What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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