What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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