What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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