What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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