What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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