What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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