What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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