What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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