What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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