What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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