What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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