What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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