What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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