What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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