What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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