What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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