What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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