What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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