What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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