What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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