What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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