What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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