What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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