What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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