What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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