What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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