What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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