What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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