What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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