What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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