What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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