What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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