What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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