What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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