What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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