What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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