What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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