What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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