What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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