What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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