What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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