What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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