What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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