What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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