What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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