What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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