What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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