What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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