What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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