What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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