What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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