What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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