What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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