What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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