What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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