What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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