What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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