What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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