What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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