What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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