What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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