What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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