What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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