What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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