What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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