What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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