What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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