What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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