What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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