What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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