What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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