What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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