What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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