What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.

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