What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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