What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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