What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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