What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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