What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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