What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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