What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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