What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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