What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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