What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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