What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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