What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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