What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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