What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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