What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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