What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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