What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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