What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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