What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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