What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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