What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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