What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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