What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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