What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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