What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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