What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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