What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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