What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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