What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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