What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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