What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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