What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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