What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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