What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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