What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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