What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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