What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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