What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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