What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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