What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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