What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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