What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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