What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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