What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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