What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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