What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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