What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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