What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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