What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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