What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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