What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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