What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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