What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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