What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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