What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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