What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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