What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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