What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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