What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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