What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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