What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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